20030430 :::
 

Tuesday in 2nd Week Easter terce

Over the 1st week in the Easter season I have shuffled off the malaise that had been dogging me at the end of the Lenten journey. Our spritual director, Jim, was right in that we would all have trials during Lent. Thankfully, I've rebounded nicely & things are getting back to normal.

Last night at Compline, we read from Judges about the calling of Gideon, the reluctant Champion. Jim had chosen this section because he was trying to show us that we are all called, in various ways, & some of us are certainly reluctant. It was quite meaningful.

Father talked at Lauds mass this morning about how church attendance in Europe is declining & offered prayers that their churches would be used A& vibrant again.

::: at 13:56

20030423 :::
 

Easter Wednesday prime
Our director, Jim, gathered us all together at compline on Easter Tuesday to go over our 1st year as novitiates. He was rather comforting & encouraging. He warned us of the dangers of spiritual burn-out, especially as most of us were still in the clouds from the Easter Vigil. I am glad that our group meeting was on Tuesday night, rather than Monday, as by Tuesday I was all ready beginning re-entry & beginning to feel a little disoriented & depressed.

Father Carlos led Lauds this morning: he had started in our parrish 25 years ago, & had been gone since then, although he had remained in the same diocese all this time. He revealed to us that this was his first Mass in our home since he had left all those years ago. Father Frank is on holiday now, but will be returning by Friday. Father Luis is there.

Began a novena today to St. Therese of the Little Flower, to increase my faith & hold steadfast to my promises.

::: at 14:36

20030421 :::
 

Now that Easter has arrived, the moodiness of Holy Week has gone. It vanished with the arrival of the Easter Vigil. While I cannot say that I am as serene as I would like to be, I am certainly more serene than I was just a few days ago.
Ecce Homo!

::: at 03:23

20030417 :::
 

It is now Holy Week. This accounts for the lack of entries, as most of the week has been given over to praying & fasting, as I am welcomed as a novitiate at the Easter Vigil. This has been a trying week in many respects, & with the trial period nearly over, I find both a sense of sadness & indecision creeping in. It has been so hard to maintain my enthusiasm over the past few weeks: I just feel tired nearly all the time. Not just tired almost bone weary. Sometimes I’m not sure if I’m cut out for this way of life, or whether it’s just my old life trying one last, desperate stand at survival. At any rate, I hope this inertia passes.

Some things are better: I no longer feel as cut off from my fellow Homo sapiens as before. I still feel lonely sometimes, but not totally separated, as once was the case. My prayer life is much more consistent, & makes me more balanced as an individual, as this constant contact with God keeps me on a more even keel. I have many more blessings now than even a year ago at this time. This is probably just self rebelling, as I know that God wants me on this path. If I can just get out of the way & accede to His wishes, things should proceed, as they should.

Still having trouble adjusting to the fasting. I had the worst headache yesterday! I missed compline because of it. While matched up with Our Lord’s sufferings, it does seem trite indeed. It is, however, not as easy as I thought it would be. I will be glad for Saturday (& not just because I can again eat). During his 40 days in the desert, I know that the Lord was tempted in all sorts of ways; our spiritual director told us that we would all have some Lenten crisis. My zeal, unfortunately, has been diminished, but it is still there, so there is hope. We are told that after the Vigil we will be new creatures. I, for one, am glad of it.

::: at 12:58

20030411 :::
 

After Vespers, the community discussed denial. It seems like those of us in the fellowship are especially prone to have problems with this. We are all supposed to be living a spiritual way of life, but unfortunately this can have pitfalls that the non-spiritual person will not have to face. Many of us are afflicted with allergies, & I think that the war is troubling most of us

::: at 00:27

20030409 :::
 

Watched some of the fall of Baghdad today. Hopefully, the majority of the violence is over now. The Holy Father has told us to pray the Rosary daily to end the war, but as I was all ready doing that, added the Liturgy of the Hours instead. I hope the war is over before Holy Week.

::: at 22:27

 

This is my 1st post. It has to do with the war: I have heretofore refrained from putting anything in the public domain regarding the hostilities as I have loved ones involved, but now with the fall of Baghdad, it looks like I don't need to worry about demoralizing those who are fighting.

This is blog is being created to explore my spiritual development. I am about to enter into my novitiate, so spiritual matters greatly occupy my mind. So do the concerns of the world I live in, as the two are really intertwined. I will try to evaluated these issues later, but now I'm going to watch the reportage from Iraq.

::: at 16:52